The programme director of Rewire to Retire shares her thoughts on black jeans, an overcrowded helicopter, developing people, and children living abroad.

1 Suzette, you spent many years in the banking industry. What did these years teach you and what did you specially appreciate/enjoy?

I consider myself very fortunate to have had the experience I have had in this industry as well as working for a corporate organisation like Standard Bank. During the years I worked for them, I was given the opportunity to further my studies in management development at the Business School of the University of Pretoria, gained experience in sales, account management, training management and the development of performance management and training management systems. This knowledge and experience in the development and implementation of these systems stood me in really good stead in all my years in consulting after leaving the bank. This is also where I discovered that I really enjoy developing people and optimising people and organisational performance and this is what I have been doing in some way or another for the past 26 years of my life as an independent consultant.

2 You’ve worked extensively both locally and in Africa. What is your favourite place or location in South Africa?

This depends on the situation ….. from a professional perspective, Gauteng or Johannesburg is the best! I enjoy the pace, business focus, getting things done! Vacations, the Cape. The Cape is beautiful - I enjoy the summer weather (not the winter!) - lots to do, the best wine, beautiful beaches, great walks etc.

How do you manage to transition from the world of work to meaningful retirement? Suzette shares her insights.

3 Which African place or experience will you never forget?

This is a difficult question. I have travelled to so many countries in Africa and all of them had its own appeal and particular experiences. I have always loved working in Africa – people generally are really eager to learn, friendly and really go out of their way to make you feel at home, especially further up in Africa. Some experiences I will probably never forget was a helicopter trip from Dar es Salaam over Zanzibar, and then being on a catamaran on Lake Malawi watching the sun set with nothing but the sound of the sails in the wind and the stars so incredibly bright. Visiting the eye of the Nile in Uganda and the Victoria Falls (image above) in Zambia, to name a few.

Then there were also some more interesting experiences like having to fly in an overcrowded helicopter to get from the airfield in Freetown Sierra Leone to the mainland – this was the last chopper to the main land and we were literally sitting on top of the luggage! The worst was when we were only airborne after the third try and then having to fly over the ocean in the pitch dark! The traffic in Lagos and Nairobi with Lagos definitely the worst – could never work out what the rules of the road were in Lagos! Just thankful I never had to drive there and always very happy to get to my destination.

Above: One of Suzette’s memories of Dakar, Senegal.

4 Your daughter lives in the US. What does she do?

Yes. Anli lives in Boston, has been there for over 13 years and is now a citizen. She is in finance and is currently a Senior Vice President Finance for a Biotech company. Probably needless to say that I am very proud of her – the person she has grown into, as well as what she has achieved.

5 What is your advice to other parents with children living overseas?

I really don’t think there is a one-size-fits-all response to this question. There are so many variables – some parents are single parents (like myself), others not, some still have other children in South Africa, some parents have a strong support structure and local network, etc. I can only talk about my own experience and perspective.

When my daughter called me while working on a short-term visa for an accounting firm in Boston and told me that she had been offered a permanent position, I had these really mixed emotions – I was so excited for her regarding the incredible opportunity she had and at the same time immediately realised that the US is REALLY far and that this was not going to be easy …. and it wasn’t. I think there were a few things that eased the move from my perspective:

We agreed to talk every Sunday – the time difference did not make it easy to talk during the week – and this has been our ritual for the past 13 years. There has to be a very good reason for this call not to happen. These calls can last 2 hours at times!

Although I am not naturally a very social person, I made a conscious decision to enhance my social activities to prevent myself from sitting at home. Interacting with people helped and I started realising that there are quite a few people in my position with children living abroad.

In the beginning, she had to come to South Africa every second year to renew her visa, so we agreed that I’d visit there every alternative year. This was something I could really look forward to and that helped a lot.

I am sure there are many other ways in which people cope, but ultimately I think it is also a mindset. The fact that I know my child is happy and has built a life and career that she can be proud of makes it all worthwhile. Sitting here and feeling sorry for myself was never really an option. It is all about what we can control and what we can’t.

That being said, there are still times where it is extremely difficult being so far away, particularly when things go wrong like her being ill, pandemics and lock downs, and other issues. Even after all this time, I still at times have sleepless nights and shed a tear when things go wrong on her side and I feel totally helpless being so far. But I will never be sorry that she made the choices she made and that we have the relationship we do.

So … work on your mindset, make concrete and actionable plans to maintain communication, and ensure that you build a local support structure.

6  What is your favourite piece of clothing or jewellery, and why?

Favourite clothes – definitely jeans! I’m comfortable in jeans, you can dress it up and/or down and if I need something smarter, then I wear black jeans. Well, most of the time – I do have other clothes!

About Suzette

Suzette Serfontein is the programme director of Rewire to Retire. She is  a licensed Mind Dynamix Instrument Accredited Practitioner (MDPiAP) certified by the Mind Moves® Institute (MMI) and endorsed by the Health Professions Council of South Africa (HPCSA) as well as the International Coaching Federation (ICF). She is also a licensed facilitator for the Senior Mind Moves wellness programme for the elderly, certified by the Mind Moves® Institute (SA). Suzette is based in Johannesburg.

Website: http://www.rewiretoretire.co.za/

Email address: suzette@rewiretoretire.co.za

Images of Suzette, Anli and Dakar, Senegal: supplied

Other images: Unsplash